Learning Relationship Safety Signals to Build a Secure Self

Life is crazy more times than not. Life, and our relationships, are full of uncertain, unknown, confusing moments. How, then, do we adapt to experiences in life that we feel unprepared for? This question comes up in every session I have with clients – and almost every conversation with friends and colleagues.

When you didn’t grow up in a secure environment, something every child should have had but most of us didn’t, then life can be even more complicated.  The research indicates that one in four of us has what we call a secure attachment.  That means, of course, that the rest of us, three of every four of us, do not.

As ominous as that sounds the very good news is that we can actually develop a secure self as we go through life.  In attachment theory, we call that developing an “earned” secure attachment.  We literally use the experiences of our lives to build a secure self inside our body, mind, and heart.  The child researcher, Karlen Lyons-Ruth, describes this as an inner scaffold.

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Kathleen Notes: I really like this article because it addresses the need for attachment as we raise our children but also because it addresses that it can be repaired as adults!



- - Volume: 8 - WEEK: 26 Date: 6/26/2020 5:36:30 AM -