How Childhood Emotional Neglect Makes You Doubt Your Own Memories, Experiences, and Feelings

Miranda is standing in front of the restaurant waiting for her fiancé, Mark, to meet her. 20 minutes go by, followed by 15 more. As she continually checks her phone to see if he has texted, she vaguely remembers this happening the same way about 3 weeks ago but quickly erases this memory from her mind.

Just as it starts to sprinkle, and right when Miranda has completely lost her patience, Mark runs up and taps her on the shoulder. “Sorry, Babe, my meeting ran late at work,” he says casually. “I hope there’s not a big wait for a table,” he says as he grabs her hand and they run through the door of the restaurant.

Miranda has no chance to utter a word of her frustration. As they are seated and start ordering, she hides her anger from Mark. On the outside, she seems fine. On the inside, she is working hard to manage her frustration.

“Mark didn’t seem to think it was a big deal that he was late, so I must be over-reacting,” she tells herself. Over the course of the meal, she successfully manages to bury her feelings under 6 feet of ever-present self-doubt.

In this brief glimpse into Miranda’s life, we see some serious problems. Did you notice them?

  • Miranda abolishes her memory of a previous similar incident from her mind.
  • Miranda gauges her own feelings against Mark’s. His feelings are actually irrelevant in this situation since he’s on the opposite side of the problem.
  • Miranda overrides her own feelings instead of expressing them and giving Mark the chance to understand her. In doing so, she actually dishonors herself. She also deprives Mark of a valuable opportunity to work through it with her and deepen their connection.
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Kathleen Notes: Children (and adults) will ignore behaviors and experiences that challenge their relationship with their parents because it`s so integral to their own self-concept.



- - Volume: 8 - WEEK: 24 Date: 6/11/2020 11:27:08 AM -